Racism
Throughout her entire life, Melba deals with both prejudice and structural racism. As a child, Melba notices how white people in her city talk down to her and her family members, threatening and abusing them seemingly at random. For example, the local white grocer overcharges Mother Lois, and Melba is excluded from public spaces and activities, like the restroom and the carousel. Melba develops a sense of shame and anger at the injustice of her world.
Racism permeates more than just interpersonal relationships; institutions like the police force and educational system are inherently unequal. In Little Rock, white schools receive more funding, and the police abuse Black victims of crime. Structural racism disenfranchises Melba and her community; Melba learns that segregation laws in the United States facilitate racial animosity. Those in power, like police officers, firefighters, and state judges abuse her and other Black people without repercussions. Therefore, when Melba suffers violence, like an attempted rape and near-constant bomb threats, she can only turn to her community for help. Orval Faubus, Governor of Arizona, represents this structural racism. Shirking federal orders, Faubus utilizes the Arkansas National Guard to intimidate the NAACP into delaying integration. When Faubus's tactics fail, he turns to inflammatory speeches and tedious court filings to wear down the Little Rock Nine.
The main conflict of Beals' memoir is her struggle to survive racial violence as she attempts to integrate Little Rock Central High School. The segregationist students torture Melba, often for fun. In addition to the physical and emotional pain she endures, she is confused about why the other students harbor such intense hatred toward her. Melba works through her own feelings of hate and fear, as her experiences at Central High understandably teach her to view white neighbors as threats. However, Melba refuses to allow the challenges of integration to divide her community further and works hard to forgive those who have wronged her.
Faith
Christianity is a significant part of Melba's identity. Melba, Grandma India, and Mother Lois turn to their faith to form a community and find inner strength. Throughout her childhood, Melba learns to frame her hardships as battles for God in which she is not alone. After each traumatic event she suffers, from constant harassment and bigotry to attempted rape and murder, Melba turns her focus to God for guidance and solace. While Melba is separated from her family in Central High, she finds strength by recalling Grandma India's faith-filled sayings and writes to God each night to process her feelings and fears. At points in her journey, Melba doubts God or questions her choice to integrate Central High.
Community
Melba's neighborhood is denied the services, like police and fire protection, that their white neighbors are privileged to enjoy; in fact, many state officials wear "uniforms by day and sheets by night," meaning they are involved in the Ku Klux Klan, a white supremacist terrorist organization. With no official recourse to deal with racial violence and threats, the Black community in Little Rock develop networks to protect themselves and each other. For example, groups of men patrol the neighborhood after Melba's house is attacked, and women bring the Patillo family food and supplies so they won't have to go to white-owned stores that will target Melba.
Even though Melba's community is close-knit, it is not always harmonious. Segregationists, incensed by Central High's integration, target Black citizens with random acts of violence. Members of Melba's church and neighborhood vent their frustrations to Melba and her family, criticizing Melba's choice to integrate the school, which brings about wide-reaching consequences. Despite these differences, the neighborhood still supports the Little Rock Nine, who continue integrating, knowing it will benefit their community and future generations.
Self-Esteem and Shame
Melba's family endures racism and humiliation for years without complaint because they fear retaliation from their abusers. At a young age, Melba grows frustrated with the world's injustice and internalizes feelings of shame. A white man attempts to violently rape Melba; she does not understand the situation and feels a deep sense of shame. Though she processes these feelings in her prayer life, Melba still endures humiliation at the hands of racists, which slowly wears away her self-esteem. Melba combats these feelings by remembering Grandma India's assurances that she is God's "precious idea" and belongs in a fancy school just as much as anyone else.
When Melba decides to attend Central High, many question her competence; even members of Melba's community warn her that her brains and manners are not "good enough to be with white people." Melba's close friend Marsha repeats rumors that white people don't sweat, and Melba will humiliate herself if she perspires in front of her classmates. Despite Melba's determination to get an education and attend college, she cannot help but worry she will not be able to compete with her white classmates since she comes from a disadvantaged background.
In addition to near-constant harassment and violence, other students ignore Melba, treating her like "not a real person" and making her feel "invisible." Melba tells her grandmother how emotionally difficult it is to be harassed and ignored by her peers. Grandma India, somewhat dismissive of Melba's feelings, asks her if she has "been waiting on them to treat you good and tell you you're all right so you'll know you're all right?" She reminds Melba that her self-worth cannot depend on how others treat her, explaining that "nobody can provide your spiritual food."
Lost Innocence
The process of integration consumes Melba's life and wears away her identity. As she struggles through violent bullying, threats, and political protests, Melba becomes an "instant adult," longing for opportunities to be a typical teenager "search for the part of [her] life that existed before integration." Though Melba thinks weariness is "an older person's complaint," she is made weary by just a few weeks at Central High, the stress of which makes her physically ill. Melba's friends from her old school desert her, afraid of bomb threats and violence; she celebrates her sixteenth birthday alone. Despite Grandma India and Mother Lois's rules, Melba dresses in more "adult" clothing to mark the changes in herself, as the carefree teenage fashions no longer feel comfortable for her.
When Ernie Green graduates from Central High, the newspapers report that his diploma "cost taxpayers half a million dollars." However, Melba reflects that integrating Central High cost the Little Rock Nine their innocence, a much higher cost. At the end of the text, Melba looks back on her experiences and asserts that she would not allow her children to undergo the same abuse.
Undue Burdens
Though Melba is an adolescent during the events of the text, she is forced to shoulder others' emotional burdens and take responsibility for their actions. For example, a white man attempts to violently rape Melba in response to the Brown v. Board of Education decision; after the assault, Melba is instructed to pray for the rapist and feels shame for his actions. Additionally, before Melba attends Central High, she is subject to countless conversations about integration from family, friends, and even strangers.
Governor Orval Faubus predicts that "blood will run in the streets" if the Little Rock Nine "force integration" in the "peaceful capital city." By framing the Little Rock Nine as interlopers intent on causing disruption rather than students seeking a fair education, Faubus attempts to blame the students themselves for the racial violence that erupts in Little Rock.
Even among her friends, Melba is still unprotected. When she befriends Link, he often leans on her for emotional support, complaining about the canceled senior activities. Though Melba's safety is never guaranteed, Link convinces her to meet him alone; Melba feels compelled to "quiet him down, or he would explode."
The "Greater Good"
Throughout the text, Melba is faced with the difficult decision to prioritize the "greater good" over her personal freedoms and happiness. As she integrates Central High, violent threats against her family force Melba to stay home in her limited free time, unable to participate in the youthful activities she enjoys, like attending wrestling matches and meeting with friends. With pushback from not only segregationists but her community as well, Melba struggles to believe that her sacrifice is worth it. Her old friends desert her, citing the negative consequences integration has brought them, not listening to Melba's assurances that one day, integration will benefit all students.
